Friday, March 25, 2011

Tattoo's and porkrinds

As many of you know horrorwritingdaddy is a writer. I sit at my computer all morning tapping out horrible things, scaring myself, turning myself on, and banging my head into the desk asking the gods to make me write gooder Thats what writers do, right? I find it funny that because of my appearance (tattoo's, long beard, occasional shaved head) most people don't believe I write. Hell, most people don't believe I can even read, though I tend to tear through a good book in days. I surprise people with my knowledge of books and my vocabulary, often hearing things like "You read?"
Yes Fucktard, I read. I also write I also draw and tattoo.
No one ever doubts that I tattoo. I guess I look the part.
A recent conversation got me thinking about this, which is why I am blogging about it today:
I went to my friend's house last night to tattoo him. He was having a penis permanently etched onto his skin, something I tried to explain was a bad idea, but what you gonna do? The guy loves the cock. Anyway, one of his "friends" came over and I was introduced as the friend slash tattoo artist We shook hands. Everything was accepted and understood. Angry face, many visible tattoo's and scars, overly long beard. Tattoo artist.
After I set up I began to actually stab ink into his skin and the conversations flowed. We talked about the new fire pit my friend had gotten for his fiftieth birthday, the local gossip, and classic cars. I contributed to each conversation until they began to wax philisophical about some show on MTV (remember when they used to play video? If you do, you're old) about a bunch of drunken idiots down in Seaside. Upon explaining I had never seen the show they couldn't believe it. They just couldn't believe me, of many tattoos and the long beard did not watch stupid reality shows
Then we started talking about movies. The friend of my friend mentioned recently watching "The Road". He said it was dark and disturbing and fucked up.
"If you think the movie is fucked up," I said while finishing the wrinkly foreskin on my friends penis tattoo, "you should read the book. McCarthy paints a very grey and desolate picture."
They both looked at me like I was the one with the penis tattoo on his chest.
"You read?"
"Yes I read" I replied, knowing how this conversation would go.
"Books?" It's amazing how smart some people are. Who says abortion is a bad thing?
"No, warning labels on soup cans. Yes Books."
"You don't look like someone who reads."
"Sorry, I left my glasses and pocket protector at home. I'll bring them next time." I went back to the tattoo, adding curly hairs to the dangling testicles that rested just above my friends nipple ring.
"Wait, they have warning labels on soup?"
This blatent stupidity got me thinking anout stereotypes. I went home intent on thinking up something witty and intelectual today, especially after the whole "Boycott Dorchester" post yesterday, but I made the mistake of putting on the news.
It seems somewhere ( I forget where exactly ) there is a Muslim teacher who is suing the city she works for because they won't allow her to take 19 school days off so she can go to Mecca. I'm even capitalizing things like Islam and Mecca to seem open minded, even though I am not.
Anyway, this women has a case filed with the DOJ - the Department of Justice, because she says she is being discriminated agaisnt Sorry, you want how many days off? 19 school days, which is 27 consecutive days off. You want that with pay too right? Of course you do.
The school district said they couldn't spare her for that amount of time. They would have to get a substitute teacher in to replace her, which costs the school more money, and then there is the little matter of the children throwing spitballs at the sub for four weeks while this cooky bitch is out walking through the dessert on her way to a giant phallus. Hurry, I need to throw down my little rug and kneel over these recently exploded corpses while a war rages around me so I can get closer to Allah. Whoops, charlie just ran into a bus and blew himself up. Silly Charlie. Fuck, he was my ride.
I can promise you, all humor aside, that I do not hate Muslims. I think everyone should be able to follow their own religion. If that religion makes you a better person than I don't care if you worship a head of lettuce And I am not one of those idiots who thinks all Muslims are terrorists. I know they are not. I know the true Muslims are peaceful and they hate the assosciations way more than we ever could I get that.
But in no way should a bullshit lawsuit like this be allowed to muddy up the courts. You want too much time off. You can't have the time. Tough shit. There is a funny thing about schools, at least some of them; they like to teach their students things. When you pull a teacher out of school for a month it disrupts this learning. When you have to hire a substitute teacher to cover your ass for a month it costs the school money. Money that could be spent on more metal detectors and nutricious lunches. You are throwing a monkey wrench into a system that is already fucked up and nearly broken, so stop rocking the fucking boat and do your job.
So now pause and think. The first thing that should come to your mind is what the fuck does that have to do with penis tattoos, if I can, infact read, and most of all porkrinds?
Nothing. Everything. It's about perception of the world around us, who we really are and what people think about us, and how their perception affects our reality. I still read, I still write, and I will continue to grow my beard, damnit. People will continue to act like self intitled douche bags and cry religious infringment even when they ask for something they know they aren't entitled to, and porkrinds will stay crispy in milk even though we don't think they should.

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